Another day even more thoughts. I am currently sitting in my office with two blokes of whom I shall not name (just in case I get ridiculously famous haha). They’re extremely funny when they are together. I love how men act together it’s seriously amusing seeing macho male tendencies. They constantly dig at each other. One is in Abercrombie the other I have only met twice both times in a River island special wife beater vest. They both swan off to the gym together after having seen one eat doughnuts today. Useful.
This will only be a short post I just wanted to update you all on how hilarious they act when there’s two of them and one woman. Competing over nothing at all. Bless.
I know, I’ve gone off the radar. Well I haven’t really not in reality anyway! It’s been a hectic few weeks and this blog was something I wanted to stick to for once. Commitment issues right?
To be honest I have got a lot done. Loads of things have been changing at work. Out of my control. So I realised I can’t do anything about this like it or not and I have been changing home instead. Organising those little things I can control.
I gave my flat a complete overhaul. We moved out of our folks place about a year ago now and it seems we have been hoarding ever since! You always get things given to you. So we had 2 ironing boards. I don’t iron. 2 hoovers one that smelt like a birdcage. Countless clothes. We even got rid of a table! You get the gist. I was so happy with how it just transformed the place and my attitude! I feel like I cleared out my brain and I’m actually really enjoying keeping on top of it and being proud of my home.
I also dyed my hair red. I feel so much more me as a red head. Always have since the first box of live colour XXL was slathered all over my noggin! I got it done properly this time though at the hairdressers. Fancy I know! My lovely friend Dee did it for me. She’s a sweetheart. It’s great to have a hairdresser that doesn’t ask you about your next holiday destination or if you’re going out that evening, it’s more like a little girly bonding session.
I have also been working my bum off. Literally. I’ve been doing something called the squat challenge. It HURTS more than I thought possible. After 2 days worth I was walking like a pregnant lady and yelped everytime I had to sit down!!! I’m over that pain now though and I’m up to 80 squats. That was this evening. I normally do sets of 10 but I got crazy and did the last 25 in a row. I’m a bit proud.
I’ve realised a lot of more in depth things though too. I have realised to care less. Not in a mean way but in a healthy way. I always look at what other people do and think of ways to do it better or alternatives. By doing this I seem to have lost track of my own life. I live in a rather small town and bumping into people is a given. If I bumped into someone I didn’t like I’d feel angry and almost primal in that this is my stomping ground not yours and often I’d get verbal. Not anymore though. What’s the point? Why make drama when you don’t have to? I’m going to be nice and come out looking like the best person. Because I am. I just forget sometimes!
I’m really trying to improve my home life my health and my head. Be a happier better me. It seems possible, it really does. I’ll get there.
Hopefully you can take something away from this. Even if it is the fact that I am a blathering idiot 😉
I do find myself feeling guilty when I say things have been hard. I know people are far worse off than me but emotionally I’ve been drained. I’m really struggling at work what with conflicts of personalities.
Found myself having a bout of crying all evening yesterday.
I hate crying I rarely cry but in a way it felt good to get it out.
I often feel as if I am facing a brick wall in life. I’m sure you feel the same too. Finding the strength to not just climb over that wall but to knock it to the ground is a challenge.
This probably won’t be a positive post if I’m honest.
I always feel bad telling my friends and family how I feel. I feel like a burden to them and I’m usually the one giving advice.
If for one moment I could detach myself from my situation and see it from the outside I’m sure I’d know what to do.
We’ll see. I’ve tried so hard to be happy and positive this last week I seem to have lost track of how I really feel and let it bubble over.
I only have the rest of today to face then tomorrow it may be better.
When I feel like this I want to run. Go where no one can find me and collect my thoughts. Right now (what with work) that’s not possible so instead tonight when I get home. I will get my cleaning done get comfy and lose myself in some drawing I think. I’m looking forward to that so much!!
Hope I haven’t made you feel down, I’ll perk up in a bit. I promise!
Off to bed now after a cheeky work out with mum and a nice dinner with Zak. My chicken with tomatoes is the bomb. (Okay so it’s Jamie Oliver’s recipe but whatever 😉 )
I’ll post the recipe at some point. Caring is sharing.
I learnt a few things about myself today like what I posted earlier. I think to improve myself I need to stop investing in grievances about others. Make myself think “are you really going to let what they think stop you? No. So don’t let it affect you”.
Every action has a reaction. But who says that the reaction has to be negative? No one. Life is what you make it and I’m trying to make mine the best I can in whatever circumstance.
We pumped up my exercise ball earlier. First time of inflation! My mum told me there is an exercise that you can do to “strengthen your core” (I hate the term core, makes me feel like an apple and they are round. I don’t want to feel like one of those!) that was a bit off topic anyway the exercise, basically you’re meant to balance on the ball on your knees! Impossible? Yes. I can’t balance to put my shoes on. It felt like riding a bike my mum yelling to me “it’s okay I’ve got the ball, just balance!” Made me laugh so much!!!
Anyway ridiculousness over. Get a good rest and think about what I said. You never know it could apply with you too (the motivation thing I mean, not the balance ball. I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone!)
So after a long day at work here we are.
It’s been a very odd day having to call an ambulance for my beautiful pregnant friend and having to deal with people with alternative views.
I’ve begun to realise the I am the only person who can change what I do. Others can affect you from the outside but you can change how your mind perceives this.
Say someone is irritating you by constantly singing gansta rap around you while you’re trying to concentrate ( obviously an entirely made up scenario ) instead of getting irritated and frustrated and walking out. Turn it into motivation think “I will not let someone being that childish stop me progressing”.
Now I am no counsellor but this worked for me today so I thought I’d share.
Having my mother over this evening so we can work out in my lounge, I’m looking forward to it. We’ll see how it goes!