It’s been a hard few days

I do find myself feeling guilty when I say things have been hard. I know people are far worse off than me but emotionally I’ve been drained. I’m really struggling at work what with conflicts of personalities.
Found myself having a bout of crying all evening yesterday.
I hate crying I rarely cry but in a way it felt good to get it out.
I often feel as if I am facing a brick wall in life. I’m sure you feel the same too. Finding the strength to not just climb over that wall but to knock it to the ground is a challenge.
This probably won’t be a positive post if I’m honest.
I always feel bad telling my friends and family how I feel. I feel like a burden to them and I’m usually the one giving advice.
If for one moment I could detach myself from my situation and see it from the outside I’m sure I’d know what to do.
We’ll see. I’ve tried so hard to be happy and positive this last week I seem to have lost track of how I really feel and let it bubble over.
I only have the rest of today to face then tomorrow it may be better.

When I feel like this I want to run. Go where no one can find me and collect my thoughts. Right now (what with work) that’s not possible so instead tonight when I get home. I will get my cleaning done get comfy and lose myself in some drawing I think. I’m looking forward to that so much!!

Hope I haven’t made you feel down, I’ll perk up in a bit. I promise!

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Off to bed now.

Off to bed now after a cheeky work out with mum and a nice dinner with Zak. My chicken with tomatoes is the bomb. (Okay so it’s Jamie Oliver’s recipe but whatever 😉 )
I’ll post the recipe at some point. Caring is sharing.

I learnt a few things about myself today like what I posted earlier. I think to improve myself I need to stop investing in grievances about others. Make myself think “are you really going to let what they think stop you? No. So don’t let it affect you”.

Every action has a reaction. But who says that the reaction has to be negative? No one. Life is what you make it and I’m trying to make mine the best I can in whatever circumstance.

We pumped up my exercise ball earlier. First time of inflation! My mum told me there is an exercise that you can do to “strengthen your core” (I hate the term core, makes me feel like an apple and they are round. I don’t want to feel like one of those!) that was a bit off topic anyway the exercise, basically you’re meant to balance on the ball on your knees! Impossible? Yes. I can’t balance to put my shoes on. It felt like riding a bike my mum yelling to me “it’s okay I’ve got the ball, just balance!” Made me laugh so much!!!

Anyway ridiculousness over. Get a good rest and think about what I said. You never know it could apply with you too (the motivation thing I mean, not the balance ball. I wouldn’t recommend that to anyone!)

Haha, ciao.

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So here we are.

So after a long day at work here we are.
It’s been a very odd day having to call an ambulance for my beautiful pregnant friend and having to deal with people with alternative views.
I’ve begun to realise the I am the only person who can change what I do. Others can affect you from the outside but you can change how your mind perceives this.
Say someone is irritating you by constantly singing gansta rap around you while you’re trying to concentrate ( obviously an entirely made up scenario ) instead of getting irritated and frustrated and walking out. Turn it into motivation think “I will not let someone being that childish stop me progressing”.
Now I am no counsellor but this worked for me today so I thought I’d share.
Having my mother over this evening so we can work out in my lounge, I’m looking forward to it. We’ll see how it goes!

I suppose you’re wondering why?

I’m Hollee, I suppose you know that by now. I started this blog after some advice from my partner. ‘You’re creative, why don’t you start a blog and write it all down.’
So I did.
The difference is my partner is a web designer/developer, so he understands all this. I am not.
I am a self taught photographer, I currently work in sales which (with a mind like mine) can be a bit mundane sometimes. I write. I’d like to think of myself as a poet (one got published). You’ll find it in the deepest depths of waterstones! I’m also trying to teach myself how to draw, a couple of years ago I wanted to be a tattoo artist. My mum even bought me 2 machines for Christmas (she’s amazing. You’ll hear more about her I’m sure!) I didn’t feel I could draw well enough to begin to start. So I’m trying to practise that in my spare time.
I live in a beautiful home in southern England with my boyfriend Zak and two guinea pigs, Clove and Cinnamon, not to mention our two less furry friends our geckos Little One an Geoffery.
I guess you’ll find out more about me as the days go on. I’ll post loads of pictures too, I can’t help it!